Perfect bench for thinking...
I haven't written this blog for six months and feel like I have just emerged from a spell of Wintering, as Catherine May, the author would call it. In November, my Dad passed away and I wanted to retreat from the world for a while. I was overwhelmed with love and support from family and friends but I didn't really want to join in with many things in the world. I didn't want to talk on the phone. I just wanted to go on country walks with my dog, see close family and friends, cosy up and watch films, read and also, I found it healing to paint. I am not very good at all, but it has been giving me a sense of peace and being in the flow. I can lose myself for a couple of hours with what I am doing. I get absorbed in colour and stillness, which I find totally therapeutic. No wonder art therapy is a thing. I have also being doing courses in counselling and mental health awareness to keep my mind focused and is an interesting distraction that I will, hopefully, put to good use one day.
View of gorse bushes and white house overlooking sea...
I have always enjoyed walking in nature but now more than ever, I feel so fulfilled being surrounded by the beautiful countryside. I am forever looking out for signs now, such as a white feather on my path or a robin on a nearby branch. It feels like my Dad is still with me spiritually, if not actually, and it has given me so much comfort. Sometimes, I would just walk and the tears would be streaming down my face but it also felt oddly indulgent, like I was lucky to be able to mourn him and the long life he had lived. I thought over so many fun and funny memories and would sometimes laugh to myself. Good job, I didn't come across anyone else on those walks. The first couple of weeks after my Dad's death, a single deer appeared in my Mum's garden and then, one day, I saw three altogether, while in the woods, who just stood and stared. I googled the meaning of seeing deer and it is a sign of spiritual guidance. My Mum and I felt uplifted by these sightings. For a while, I stopped posting on Facebook and Instagram, as I wasn't feeling it and towards the end, my dear Dad stopped wanting his photo taken and it stopped me taking photographs of almost everything. I am on holiday in Devon writing this and my love of photography has finally been restored. I have been taking pictures of my dog running wild and free on the beach, fantastic views of the coastline and my personal favourite, ploughed fields with crows and seagulls. I went on one of the most euphoric walks across ploughed fields and past rolling hills to a bench up high overlooking the sea. It was so peaceful and I sat and thought about my Dad and felt so at peace in the silence of nature. As I walked back to the holiday cottage, I heard the noise of sheep and their lambs and the caw of crows in the rookery near to where I am staying. I feel like I am slowly emerging out the other side of my grief and maybe too, it's my age, plus the five years anniversary since the pandemic started - it definitely feels like a new beginning. Spring is in the air.
The Simpsons clouds over the stillness of the sea...
Spring lambs and their marvellous mothers...
I am really enjoying the simpler things in life. That is just as well as being on holiday this week with no hot water for showers, my hair is dripping with grease but my husband and I have been getting by filling up saucepans and kettles to heat water for the bath and dress in front of a roaring fire afterwards - like in the olden days. Afterwards, we can snuggle up on the sofa, sipping red wine and watching TV - less olden days. I hope the heating can be fixed soon and I can have clean hair again but, in the meantime, I'll look on the bright side and be grateful for all the good things in life, happy to be alive and about to step into Spring.*
*Dear Reader, the heating did get fixed, by my brilliant husband, so we washed our hair in hot water and it was bliss and we felt all nice and clean again.
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